In less than two months here, I've lived what I haven't in almost six years.
I'm still slowly waking up. I'm still slowly catching up.
I feel like my brain was frozen and it's coming back to life. As if my legs are shorter than the strides I want to do.
I'm impatient to improve, to learn and do more.
Finally I found a path. Finally the world moved on.
I always have eternal worries troubling my mind. Are you as troubled as me?
The Bene Gesserit Litany against Fear holds true to its meaning and it shows my mood.
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
The storm is gone, I have not feared and only I remain.
I've looked into it's core, I have seen the fear and the eye of the storm. The storm I've summoned and that I wished stronger than all, and I remain.
Life is good again, the path is set and the sky is clear.
My future resumes it's way.
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
The storm is gone, I have not feared and only I remain.
I've looked into it's core, I have seen the fear and the eye of the storm. The storm I've summoned and that I wished stronger than all, and I remain.
Life is good again, the path is set and the sky is clear.
My future resumes it's way.
Since my last post was a lyric, I guess I'll post a very old one, from a movie that marked deeply in my childhood memories, I've had the luck to watch the movie again and here it is, very cheesy, and f**k whoever that didn't like that movie.
"Turn around, look at what you see
In her face, the mirror of your dreams
Make believe I'm everywhere, living in your eyes
Written on the pages is the answer to our neverending story
In your hand, the birth of a new day
Lives that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer to our neverending story"
"Turn around, look at what you see
In her face, the mirror of your dreams
Make believe I'm everywhere, living in your eyes
Written on the pages is the answer to our neverending story
Reach the stars, fly a fantasy
Dream a dream, and what you see will be
Lives that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer to our neverending story
In your hand, the birth of a new day
Lives that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer to our neverending story"
'The time has come, to lift the veil, from this illusion. To see things, as they really are! The time has come, for a new beginning. The time has come... so let go, let go, let go!'
'Find a guide, inside yourself, to lift your inner vision. And see yourself, as you really are! Time speeds up, accelerating evolution. The time has come... so wake up, wake up, wake up!'
Space Tribe - You Create Your Own Reality
'Find a guide, inside yourself, to lift your inner vision. And see yourself, as you really are! Time speeds up, accelerating evolution. The time has come... so wake up, wake up, wake up!'
Space Tribe - You Create Your Own Reality
While I'm getting ready for the next storm, with my mind in the future, I can feel a tug on my sleeve. The past is trying to hold me and tries to make me stay.
It is the final proof I don't want those problems of the past again and that I am definitely taking the right decision. My life will be better far away from this city, not only because opportunities will be better, but simply because I still have wounds that haven't closed yet. It will be a lot more rewarding in the future when the wounds have healed and I'm strong on my path, to look back and see how small that problem had become, devoid of food but hungry as a sandworm. It may look like a big problem now. But I already sense it has gotten smaller, and it's getting smaller everyday, now that I'm not helping it grow anymore.
To the occasional reader, know that problems are just like leeches. They suck on your blood and energy, they're vampires of your determination and they grow stronger on your fears. Be calm. Put the problem on the microscope and analyse it with pincers, dissect and run tests on it. Plan experiments, collect results. Use your analytical mind and treat your problem as coldly as a Vulcan. No problem is big enough if you accept risk and losses.
It is the final proof I don't want those problems of the past again and that I am definitely taking the right decision. My life will be better far away from this city, not only because opportunities will be better, but simply because I still have wounds that haven't closed yet. It will be a lot more rewarding in the future when the wounds have healed and I'm strong on my path, to look back and see how small that problem had become, devoid of food but hungry as a sandworm. It may look like a big problem now. But I already sense it has gotten smaller, and it's getting smaller everyday, now that I'm not helping it grow anymore.
To the occasional reader, know that problems are just like leeches. They suck on your blood and energy, they're vampires of your determination and they grow stronger on your fears. Be calm. Put the problem on the microscope and analyse it with pincers, dissect and run tests on it. Plan experiments, collect results. Use your analytical mind and treat your problem as coldly as a Vulcan. No problem is big enough if you accept risk and losses.
Someone activated the time compression switch into 4x mode.
Time is flying so fast that I can't believe next week I'll travel to São Paulo again for another cisco training week.
I've been busy doing the summer of code project. This is not my usual self to talk about my projects here. But this time I will.
I still have an Operating Systems interview at university, one OOP project and presentation to make, and one Hardware Interfaces exam before the semester ends.
Last month was the busiest of my whole life. This is the second busiest right now. Luckily my classes at Senac are over, else July would be a good competitor to June.
Btw, I bet August will compete with June.
Time is flying so fast that I can't believe next week I'll travel to São Paulo again for another cisco training week.
I've been busy doing the summer of code project. This is not my usual self to talk about my projects here. But this time I will.
I still have an Operating Systems interview at university, one OOP project and presentation to make, and one Hardware Interfaces exam before the semester ends.
Last month was the busiest of my whole life. This is the second busiest right now. Luckily my classes at Senac are over, else July would be a good competitor to June.
Btw, I bet August will compete with June.
This is about change.
There are times in our lifes where change is forced. You take some decision which start a chain reaction of changes so powerfull, so strong.
Yet, everything looks the same on the outside.
I've made some decisions which will probably alter the whole course of my life. I've took some risks that may alter my whole future.
This is not the first time I did this sort of choices, and sometimes I wonder if I'm addicted to them. Perhaps. But I know that I feel a newborn child again.
There is so much new things to learn, and I do feel really lost sometimes. It's hard to understand and grasp so many new things at once. Not only this is happening at such a speed I've never seen before, but my job and the university is demanding my full attention and dedication.
I've got these 3 top priorities (SoC, Senac and Unesp) not to mention my wife, and I have to juggle them with clockwork precision. It is very difficult. I've never had so many occupations at once, all of them above my current level of skill.
I have no idea I will survive all of this. I may not. But I will try hard, as I always do.
I need to have stories to tell to my grandchildren, after all. :)
There are times in our lifes where change is forced. You take some decision which start a chain reaction of changes so powerfull, so strong.
Yet, everything looks the same on the outside.
I've made some decisions which will probably alter the whole course of my life. I've took some risks that may alter my whole future.
This is not the first time I did this sort of choices, and sometimes I wonder if I'm addicted to them. Perhaps. But I know that I feel a newborn child again.
There is so much new things to learn, and I do feel really lost sometimes. It's hard to understand and grasp so many new things at once. Not only this is happening at such a speed I've never seen before, but my job and the university is demanding my full attention and dedication.
I've got these 3 top priorities (SoC, Senac and Unesp) not to mention my wife, and I have to juggle them with clockwork precision. It is very difficult. I've never had so many occupations at once, all of them above my current level of skill.
I have no idea I will survive all of this. I may not. But I will try hard, as I always do.
I need to have stories to tell to my grandchildren, after all. :)
We are already in May.
It is difficult to accept we've been through more than one third of the year. I'm living everyday like I another day to do what I need.
Since february, I came out from uncertain employment to a stable salary as a teacher (yeah, before payment was infrequent). Reputation comes from good work, I believe. And finally I see some fruits of my work.
Our lives are really a rollercoaster. I can feel the tension of going up the hill, soon I will reach the top again and again I will fall, crashing everything around, bringing the need of another revolution, as my life has been all these years. This is, I can say for sure, my real cycle.
I feel my heart is healing from so much grief and lies. I believe I'm coming out stronger. But I need to trust again, will I ever trust again? Would you?
It is difficult to accept we've been through more than one third of the year. I'm living everyday like I another day to do what I need.
Since february, I came out from uncertain employment to a stable salary as a teacher (yeah, before payment was infrequent). Reputation comes from good work, I believe. And finally I see some fruits of my work.
Our lives are really a rollercoaster. I can feel the tension of going up the hill, soon I will reach the top again and again I will fall, crashing everything around, bringing the need of another revolution, as my life has been all these years. This is, I can say for sure, my real cycle.
I feel my heart is healing from so much grief and lies. I believe I'm coming out stronger. But I need to trust again, will I ever trust again? Would you?
This is the Sith Code:
"Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me."
And this is the Jedi Code:
"There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no death; there is the Force."
And I tell you. Power is only a tool, the use you give to it shapes your life.
"Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me."
And this is the Jedi Code:
"There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no death; there is the Force."
And I tell you. Power is only a tool, the use you give to it shapes your life.
I usually have a queue of many tasks to do. There are so many tasks I don't care anymore if any of them is late, since I know which ones are top priority, or anyway, when I'm near the time the task will expire, I will finish it anyway, sometimes a bit hurried, but finished anyway.
Right now I don't have anything imediate nor urgent, and I can listen to some music just for the sake of it.
Also, there is nobody I know online right now, which is quite unusual. Even my wife is at university right now, so I'm alone at home.
I have some time spare just to myself. Without anything urgent. Even my freelancer jobs are idle. That's weird, and perhaps it is the first time I feel like this in a long time.
It is like tao. When you try to name it. It loses meaning, as defining tao is impossible to define. It is like meditation, that when you perceive you are meditating, you already lost focus.
Delicate moments of peace.
Have you ever found them?
Right now I don't have anything imediate nor urgent, and I can listen to some music just for the sake of it.
Also, there is nobody I know online right now, which is quite unusual. Even my wife is at university right now, so I'm alone at home.
I have some time spare just to myself. Without anything urgent. Even my freelancer jobs are idle. That's weird, and perhaps it is the first time I feel like this in a long time.
It is like tao. When you try to name it. It loses meaning, as defining tao is impossible to define. It is like meditation, that when you perceive you are meditating, you already lost focus.
Delicate moments of peace.
Have you ever found them?
We are 3 days from four months living together.
And I've been fighting all my demons to make the past stay in the past. Everything I've been unable to take care, everything I've left undone. I am finishing now.
It is said that we make happen that which we want most. Maybe it is happening right now. And it is all going as I want.
In four months, how will be the lives of everyone I know?
And I've been fighting all my demons to make the past stay in the past. Everything I've been unable to take care, everything I've left undone. I am finishing now.
It is said that we make happen that which we want most. Maybe it is happening right now. And it is all going as I want.
In four months, how will be the lives of everyone I know?
Unbelievably, I've reached the point of no return.
Finally I'll be free of this burden. I already started many of the actions that will make this world a world more just. It will take maybe months, maybe years. Maybe even nothing will happen. But in the end, I finally did what was right to do. What all the values and morals taught to me over the years have been screaming inside my head to set right. And the best part of it: Nothing I'm doing is wrong. There is nothing wrong on going to law and telling about the many crimes one person committed.
But believe me. Knowing about them and doing nothing just consumes you. Eats your soul, your peace. It feeds on your sleep, your well-being.
In the end you start blaming people around, because the world is such a shit, and you do all your asked to do. You do all you think is right and you never do anything wrong. Yet you have no peace. You have no peace because THIS IS NOT ENOUGH.
Because you know who is committing crimes and people are suffering from it, maybe nobody is dying, but the world would be a better place at all. And you do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to prevent it. And you are still so unhappy.
But now I feel better already.
And with time, maybe what is wrong will be right again. And I will feel better than I am today. For finally, more than doing everything people asked of me, I finally did something I ASKED OF MYSELF. Let's hope so.
Finally I'll be free of this burden. I already started many of the actions that will make this world a world more just. It will take maybe months, maybe years. Maybe even nothing will happen. But in the end, I finally did what was right to do. What all the values and morals taught to me over the years have been screaming inside my head to set right. And the best part of it: Nothing I'm doing is wrong. There is nothing wrong on going to law and telling about the many crimes one person committed.
But believe me. Knowing about them and doing nothing just consumes you. Eats your soul, your peace. It feeds on your sleep, your well-being.
In the end you start blaming people around, because the world is such a shit, and you do all your asked to do. You do all you think is right and you never do anything wrong. Yet you have no peace. You have no peace because THIS IS NOT ENOUGH.
Because you know who is committing crimes and people are suffering from it, maybe nobody is dying, but the world would be a better place at all. And you do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to prevent it. And you are still so unhappy.
But now I feel better already.
And with time, maybe what is wrong will be right again. And I will feel better than I am today. For finally, more than doing everything people asked of me, I finally did something I ASKED OF MYSELF. Let's hope so.
It doesn't matter what people say about me right now. Some of my family very probably have no real idea what is going inside me. Maybe they say I'm not being fair and I shouldn't be behaving like this as family is way more sacred than whatever differences I have with my uncle.
but he lives in a castle. and I live in a small 2 room apartment. And he has a brand new car and I have an old, outdated model. And everything he owns he owns because he didn't keep his word. His greed goes stronger than family and goes stronger than his own promises. What matters if you don't keep your word, if you can build lies upon lies and in the end, nobody will really care, since you have the pool and the big house with all your family united THANKS TO YOU.
It's tough going opening this year with such a post full of simmering anger and regret and maybe envy.
It will pass. As everything passes and the world moves on.
And I will move on. I only need time.
but he lives in a castle. and I live in a small 2 room apartment. And he has a brand new car and I have an old, outdated model. And everything he owns he owns because he didn't keep his word. His greed goes stronger than family and goes stronger than his own promises. What matters if you don't keep your word, if you can build lies upon lies and in the end, nobody will really care, since you have the pool and the big house with all your family united THANKS TO YOU.
It's tough going opening this year with such a post full of simmering anger and regret and maybe envy.
It will pass. As everything passes and the world moves on.
And I will move on. I only need time.
Sometimes you make choices that may start fights you really didn't want to start.
What can you do in such a situation? There's an old saying like this: "I can give one arm not to enter a fight, but I'll give two not to be taken out of one." I believe I'm such a person.
I've already said that which I didn't really want to say. It would spark all sorts of misunerstandings and some of my very personal friends are on the "other side" of the conflict. So I hope the collateral damage ain't that terrible and in the end I don't end this year losing one good friend.
Alas, life is like this. Let's hope people understand my motives and I don't end up a troublemaker and so on. But I believe I'm already one. So let's kick some ass.
What can you do in such a situation? There's an old saying like this: "I can give one arm not to enter a fight, but I'll give two not to be taken out of one." I believe I'm such a person.
I've already said that which I didn't really want to say. It would spark all sorts of misunerstandings and some of my very personal friends are on the "other side" of the conflict. So I hope the collateral damage ain't that terrible and in the end I don't end this year losing one good friend.
Alas, life is like this. Let's hope people understand my motives and I don't end up a troublemaker and so on. But I believe I'm already one. So let's kick some ass.
My marriage completed a full month yesterday.
How could you believe it would come to this? How was it possible that love took a chance at my door?
It's a life full of oportunities. Do you live based on what you can get your hands on or do you take only the best choices and be ready for the worse?
I said something like that a few days ago. Don't make bad choices because it will make your future possible. You will end living half your life on bad choices.
:)
How could you believe it would come to this? How was it possible that love took a chance at my door?
It's a life full of oportunities. Do you live based on what you can get your hands on or do you take only the best choices and be ready for the worse?
I said something like that a few days ago. Don't make bad choices because it will make your future possible. You will end living half your life on bad choices.
:)
One of the best things my mother taught me is that you only do stupid things when you get something really good back.
What I've been proposed wasn't exactly stupid. Actually it's the other way around. It was a good job offer. However, I'm thinking about what may happen if I don't risk keeping my actual work situation.
That's what I'm betting now. On being a good and reputed teacher.
Trust your guns. Always.
What I've been proposed wasn't exactly stupid. Actually it's the other way around. It was a good job offer. However, I'm thinking about what may happen if I don't risk keeping my actual work situation.
That's what I'm betting now. On being a good and reputed teacher.
Trust your guns. Always.
I've been a few months late in my logs.
I've been quite busy these last months.
So much happened in such a little time. Plans within plans, all unrolling unto motion, after so much careful thought.
I believe it is all working the way I like it. Flowing along the tides of destiny. As if I'm the gardener of these little trees and bushes. Trimming carefully weeds and sprouts, waiting for the flowers to blossom and turn into fruits.
We are two who became one. Finally.
And I work towards our future as I like it. Flowing along the tides of destiny.
You who read this blog, I ask you a question: Do you believe you can shape your future?
I guide my life forward, feeling the waves and following the winds of change. Have you ever felt winds blowing full of ethereal energy, surrounding you in exquisite energy, so strange you feel something is about to happen?
Don't ignore your feelings. Follow your heart and never forget Jonh Hodge. Choose life.
I've been quite busy these last months.
So much happened in such a little time. Plans within plans, all unrolling unto motion, after so much careful thought.
I believe it is all working the way I like it. Flowing along the tides of destiny. As if I'm the gardener of these little trees and bushes. Trimming carefully weeds and sprouts, waiting for the flowers to blossom and turn into fruits.
We are two who became one. Finally.
And I work towards our future as I like it. Flowing along the tides of destiny.
You who read this blog, I ask you a question: Do you believe you can shape your future?
I guide my life forward, feeling the waves and following the winds of change. Have you ever felt winds blowing full of ethereal energy, surrounding you in exquisite energy, so strange you feel something is about to happen?
Don't ignore your feelings. Follow your heart and never forget Jonh Hodge. Choose life.
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