Winds of change are showing in the horizon. I summoned them this time. And I hope the spell is right, I'm summoning a hurricane.

I'm trying to the best of my knowledge to be ready for this hurricane. This time life will change for me as it did when I left São Paulo.

Let's hope I will survive it.
Someone activated the time compression switch into 4x mode.

Time is flying so fast that I can't believe next week I'll travel to São Paulo again for another cisco training week.

I've been busy doing the summer of code project. This is not my usual self to talk about my projects here. But this time I will.

I still have an Operating Systems interview at university, one OOP project and presentation to make, and one Hardware Interfaces exam before the semester ends.

Last month was the busiest of my whole life. This is the second busiest right now. Luckily my classes at Senac are over, else July would be a good competitor to June.

Btw, I bet August will compete with June.
Colossal Mistakes are possible when you least expect them.

Just take imense care measuring your words. Triple check your grammar and spelling.

Then hit send without checking the recipient.


If you ever wondered if being ashamed online was possible. Well it is.
This is about change.

There are times in our lifes where change is forced. You take some decision which start a chain reaction of changes so powerfull, so strong.

Yet, everything looks the same on the outside.

I've made some decisions which will probably alter the whole course of my life. I've took some risks that may alter my whole future.

This is not the first time I did this sort of choices, and sometimes I wonder if I'm addicted to them. Perhaps. But I know that I feel a newborn child again.

There is so much new things to learn, and I do feel really lost sometimes. It's hard to understand and grasp so many new things at once. Not only this is happening at such a speed I've never seen before, but my job and the university is demanding my full attention and dedication.

I've got these 3 top priorities (SoC, Senac and Unesp) not to mention my wife, and I have to juggle them with clockwork precision. It is very difficult. I've never had so many occupations at once, all of them above my current level of skill.

I have no idea I will survive all of this. I may not. But I will try hard, as I always do.

I need to have stories to tell to my grandchildren, after all. :)
Can you believe things I can do?

If in my mind's eye, I can see, can I do?

I believe I can, because I can put my mind on it.

You can choose not to try, because you think you cannot do it.

But you cannot do, if you choose not to try.

Yeah, self-help mumbo-jumbo.

I like it (sometimes)
We are already in May.

It is difficult to accept we've been through more than one third of the year. I'm living everyday like I another day to do what I need.

Since february, I came out from uncertain employment to a stable salary as a teacher (yeah, before payment was infrequent). Reputation comes from good work, I believe. And finally I see some fruits of my work.

Our lives are really a rollercoaster. I can feel the tension of going up the hill, soon I will reach the top again and again I will fall, crashing everything around, bringing the need of another revolution, as my life has been all these years. This is, I can say for sure, my real cycle.

I feel my heart is healing from so much grief and lies. I believe I'm coming out stronger. But I need to trust again, will I ever trust again? Would you?
This is the Sith Code:

"Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.

Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.

The Force shall free me."

And this is the Jedi Code:

"There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no death; there is the Force."

And I tell you. Power is only a tool, the use you give to it shapes your life.

I usually have a queue of many tasks to do. There are so many tasks I don't care anymore if any of them is late, since I know which ones are top priority, or anyway, when I'm near the time the task will expire, I will finish it anyway, sometimes a bit hurried, but finished anyway.

Right now I don't have anything imediate nor urgent, and I can listen to some music just for the sake of it.

Also, there is nobody I know online right now, which is quite unusual. Even my wife is at university right now, so I'm alone at home.

I have some time spare just to myself. Without anything urgent. Even my freelancer jobs are idle. That's weird, and perhaps it is the first time I feel like this in a long time.

It is like tao. When you try to name it. It loses meaning, as defining tao is impossible to define. It is like meditation, that when you perceive you are meditating, you already lost focus.

Delicate moments of peace.

Have you ever found them?
We are 3 days from four months living together.

And I've been fighting all my demons to make the past stay in the past. Everything I've been unable to take care, everything I've left undone. I am finishing now.

It is said that we make happen that which we want most. Maybe it is happening right now. And it is all going as I want.

In four months, how will be the lives of everyone I know?
Unbelievably, I've reached the point of no return.

Finally I'll be free of this burden. I already started many of the actions that will make this world a world more just. It will take maybe months, maybe years. Maybe even nothing will happen. But in the end, I finally did what was right to do. What all the values and morals taught to me over the years have been screaming inside my head to set right. And the best part of it: Nothing I'm doing is wrong. There is nothing wrong on going to law and telling about the many crimes one person committed.

But believe me. Knowing about them and doing nothing just consumes you. Eats your soul, your peace. It feeds on your sleep, your well-being.

In the end you start blaming people around, because the world is such a shit, and you do all your asked to do. You do all you think is right and you never do anything wrong. Yet you have no peace. You have no peace because THIS IS NOT ENOUGH.

Because you know who is committing crimes and people are suffering from it, maybe nobody is dying, but the world would be a better place at all. And you do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to prevent it. And you are still so unhappy.

But now I feel better already.

And with time, maybe what is wrong will be right again. And I will feel better than I am today. For finally, more than doing everything people asked of me, I finally did something I ASKED OF MYSELF. Let's hope so.
It doesn't matter what people say about me right now. Some of my family very probably have no real idea what is going inside me. Maybe they say I'm not being fair and I shouldn't be behaving like this as family is way more sacred than whatever differences I have with my uncle.

but he lives in a castle. and I live in a small 2 room apartment. And he has a brand new car and I have an old, outdated model. And everything he owns he owns because he didn't keep his word. His greed goes stronger than family and goes stronger than his own promises. What matters if you don't keep your word, if you can build lies upon lies and in the end, nobody will really care, since you have the pool and the big house with all your family united THANKS TO YOU.

It's tough going opening this year with such a post full of simmering anger and regret and maybe envy.

It will pass. As everything passes and the world moves on.

And I will move on. I only need time.