Today is the last day I will work in this year of 2013.
And what does it means? Nothing. Thursday I will be back and it will be 2014 already. And what does it means? Nothing.
People make parties to celebrate a new year, and what does it means? Well of course it means it is a Party, it shouldn't need much more than that. But if you believe it has any meaning? Nah, it does not.
This is but a number, drawn from scientific significance of astrophysics, yadda, yadda blabla. And what does it means? Of course, nothing.
The day has no meaning today. I am just waiting for tomorrow. It looks like a day wasted, lost. It is a waste of time. (I am not particularly happy about this paragraph, I feel miserable now)
So, dear reader, if you feel like me today, what can you do to make today better? Can you make today better? Can you give meaning for today? It can be a shitty day or a good day. It depends (a lot) on you.
I always have eternal worries troubling my mind. Are you as troubled as me?
Did I ever mention here how much I despise the Brazilian educational system? I believe I never mentioned (this is a post inside a post, you will notice it midway, I hope).
To me most universities are merely money-making schemes, barely worried about giving quality education to its students. Even state and federal universities suffer about this, albeit a little less.
When I was in University, I saw students spending family savings, working two, even three jobs, just to be able to pay for graduation costs and become a bachelor, an engineer, a medic, whatever you name it. That shoud be highly commendable, right?
But there is a curious behavior in Brazilian Universities. University Students as a general rule DO NOT like to study. They create all sorts of workarounds just to be able to skip classes without being penalized for it. They shamelessly cheat on exams, they thoroughly copy previous work without any care about being caught. And worse yet, I have witnessed them paying other students to write their final assignments (that was some years ago - I dropped off university in 2006, so much I despised it). When you study in a state/federal institution this is mitigated a bit, but not much. In the end, they are not really trying to learn a profession or start a career. They simply want to finish University and earn their high salary job that comes with the profession description. Yes, some of them are are this delusional. They believe that simply by being shitty students but with a University Diploma, they will "earn by birthtright" a job. Of course fate proves them wrong. But that is besides the point.
I should now say that I have the feeling this must occur all over the world. Perhaps in some cultures this is different (yes I still see hope in manking), perhaps that's the same everywhere. That does not make it any less shameful. Given all those sacrifices families make to send their sons and daughters to University, I would expect no less than full dedication to study (aye, parties allowed, I am not crazy).
But of course, in this blog, I never speak of one thing meaning to talk of that thing.
What drives me completely crazy, crazy as in "I cannot understand how does one feels that is ok" way, is that this University Behavior grows into the person. That "graduate" spends so much time cheating his student life that when he or she starts working, that behavior is just too strong. Thus the "graduate" simply repeats what he has trained himself so hard to achieve. Easy success, fake achievements.
In my profession we have vendor certifications. Basically it's an exam system where vendors grant certificates to professionals that pass some exams. And as every "graduate" student knows, exams can be cheated.
And cheaters... well, cheaters are cheaters. They will of course look for the easy way out. They will shamelessly cheat on such exams. I can see some of you right now saying "this should be some surprise for me... but it is not".
It is no real surprise such professionals exist, right? When you see that person holding dozens of Vendor and Industy Certifications, and you have that gut instinct about that persons real skill. You may be just right.
Incredibly, they get to the point they are proud of their certifications. That's is the part that drives me crazy. They are proud they withold a certification they really did not deserve. They want to be paid what a true professional gets paid. They want all the benefits they "earned" with their certification. Of course I do not doubt your intelligence, so rhetorically: do you see a pattern?
Some people tell me I should be grateful such cheaters exist. In a way I am. I am more sorry for them than grateful. Working in a high quality team is a immensely rewarding experience. Working in a team full of morons that believe they know something and you have to cover their mistakes so your company does not lose reputation is not really good. It will probably ensure your job, but that is tiresome.
What about your profession? What about the cheaters in your life? Are you this judgemental as I am? Should you be?
(I am judgemental, but I tell you, I may judge, but I give no sentences. My judgements are mine only, and they mean very little outside my mind. And even after much thought, it is rather difficult for me to use such judgements negatively. In the past it was an issue, now I know better)
To me most universities are merely money-making schemes, barely worried about giving quality education to its students. Even state and federal universities suffer about this, albeit a little less.
When I was in University, I saw students spending family savings, working two, even three jobs, just to be able to pay for graduation costs and become a bachelor, an engineer, a medic, whatever you name it. That shoud be highly commendable, right?
But there is a curious behavior in Brazilian Universities. University Students as a general rule DO NOT like to study. They create all sorts of workarounds just to be able to skip classes without being penalized for it. They shamelessly cheat on exams, they thoroughly copy previous work without any care about being caught. And worse yet, I have witnessed them paying other students to write their final assignments (that was some years ago - I dropped off university in 2006, so much I despised it). When you study in a state/federal institution this is mitigated a bit, but not much. In the end, they are not really trying to learn a profession or start a career. They simply want to finish University and earn their high salary job that comes with the profession description. Yes, some of them are are this delusional. They believe that simply by being shitty students but with a University Diploma, they will "earn by birthtright" a job. Of course fate proves them wrong. But that is besides the point.
I should now say that I have the feeling this must occur all over the world. Perhaps in some cultures this is different (yes I still see hope in manking), perhaps that's the same everywhere. That does not make it any less shameful. Given all those sacrifices families make to send their sons and daughters to University, I would expect no less than full dedication to study (aye, parties allowed, I am not crazy).
But of course, in this blog, I never speak of one thing meaning to talk of that thing.
What drives me completely crazy, crazy as in "I cannot understand how does one feels that is ok" way, is that this University Behavior grows into the person. That "graduate" spends so much time cheating his student life that when he or she starts working, that behavior is just too strong. Thus the "graduate" simply repeats what he has trained himself so hard to achieve. Easy success, fake achievements.
In my profession we have vendor certifications. Basically it's an exam system where vendors grant certificates to professionals that pass some exams. And as every "graduate" student knows, exams can be cheated.
And cheaters... well, cheaters are cheaters. They will of course look for the easy way out. They will shamelessly cheat on such exams. I can see some of you right now saying "this should be some surprise for me... but it is not".
It is no real surprise such professionals exist, right? When you see that person holding dozens of Vendor and Industy Certifications, and you have that gut instinct about that persons real skill. You may be just right.
Incredibly, they get to the point they are proud of their certifications. That's is the part that drives me crazy. They are proud they withold a certification they really did not deserve. They want to be paid what a true professional gets paid. They want all the benefits they "earned" with their certification. Of course I do not doubt your intelligence, so rhetorically: do you see a pattern?
Some people tell me I should be grateful such cheaters exist. In a way I am. I am more sorry for them than grateful. Working in a high quality team is a immensely rewarding experience. Working in a team full of morons that believe they know something and you have to cover their mistakes so your company does not lose reputation is not really good. It will probably ensure your job, but that is tiresome.
What about your profession? What about the cheaters in your life? Are you this judgemental as I am? Should you be?
(I am judgemental, but I tell you, I may judge, but I give no sentences. My judgements are mine only, and they mean very little outside my mind. And even after much thought, it is rather difficult for me to use such judgements negatively. In the past it was an issue, now I know better)
The duality of sharing but not sharing.
I have reached a most curious point in my Internet life.
I have closed my Facebook and Google+ accounts. And it brings me an infinite number of questions.
First and foremost, I have long fought with the idea of wanting to share my ideas, the things I like and all the things I believe that make me what I am - against the complete lack of privacy of sharing a lot of information with people I sincerely couldn't care less.
The closure of the FB and G+ profiles happened because I hate sharing my life with every one on my evergrowing list of people in the world which are uninsteresting, dim, short-sighted, unhappy, ignorant, hypocrites, cowards, racist, homophobic, xenophobic (I could go on and on) people. People that social pressure demands that I 'add as a friend', keep as a friend or whatever. You can argue privacy settings all you want. As long as I even have to have whatever person as 'friend' it is too much for me. Call me whatever name you want. I give no fuck about it.
If in FB "real" society demands to stalk you, to create complex privacy lists and sharing configurations, in G+ it is someone you have no idea at all why he/she decided to stalk you. This is a sort of social pressure we all feel, we all exert such pressure, and I have finally taken my stand on the issue. My life is better without online stalkers. And I couldn't escape stalking people lives as well, in a way that's how it works. I can see you, you can see me.
Which of course, turns the subject completely to this blog. I have shared my thoughts here since who-knows-when? Years ago I chose to close comments, and now I have decided to get it back to my original writing style. With pure discussion of Eternal Worries, without facts, without dates. As they should ever be.
This way I hope to keep this blog open. I have closed the last feedback route by taking off the +1 button and so now you can only read the blog. No likes, no +1, no comments. It looks very boring, and why not, I never intended it to be fun. It will interest probably only me. And maybe one or two readers, and for you my friends, for you, I keep it open as it always were. I don't need to know who you are, but you are close to my heart nonetheless.
As for sharing the rest of my life. Closing my FB account has an interesting side effect. Perhaps now I can share my other loved hobbies in different blogs. I would the chance to hide myself while sharing that which I love. It works much better and the feedback would be untainted.
(And yes, I miss being able to see pictures of my true friends. I miss seeing my so carefully trimmed timeline, with only the people I really love, but well, we can always get in touch someway)
I have closed my Facebook and Google+ accounts. And it brings me an infinite number of questions.
First and foremost, I have long fought with the idea of wanting to share my ideas, the things I like and all the things I believe that make me what I am - against the complete lack of privacy of sharing a lot of information with people I sincerely couldn't care less.
The closure of the FB and G+ profiles happened because I hate sharing my life with every one on my evergrowing list of people in the world which are uninsteresting, dim, short-sighted, unhappy, ignorant, hypocrites, cowards, racist, homophobic, xenophobic (I could go on and on) people. People that social pressure demands that I 'add as a friend', keep as a friend or whatever. You can argue privacy settings all you want. As long as I even have to have whatever person as 'friend' it is too much for me. Call me whatever name you want. I give no fuck about it.
If in FB "real" society demands to stalk you, to create complex privacy lists and sharing configurations, in G+ it is someone you have no idea at all why he/she decided to stalk you. This is a sort of social pressure we all feel, we all exert such pressure, and I have finally taken my stand on the issue. My life is better without online stalkers. And I couldn't escape stalking people lives as well, in a way that's how it works. I can see you, you can see me.
Which of course, turns the subject completely to this blog. I have shared my thoughts here since who-knows-when? Years ago I chose to close comments, and now I have decided to get it back to my original writing style. With pure discussion of Eternal Worries, without facts, without dates. As they should ever be.
This way I hope to keep this blog open. I have closed the last feedback route by taking off the +1 button and so now you can only read the blog. No likes, no +1, no comments. It looks very boring, and why not, I never intended it to be fun. It will interest probably only me. And maybe one or two readers, and for you my friends, for you, I keep it open as it always were. I don't need to know who you are, but you are close to my heart nonetheless.
As for sharing the rest of my life. Closing my FB account has an interesting side effect. Perhaps now I can share my other loved hobbies in different blogs. I would the chance to hide myself while sharing that which I love. It works much better and the feedback would be untainted.
(And yes, I miss being able to see pictures of my true friends. I miss seeing my so carefully trimmed timeline, with only the people I really love, but well, we can always get in touch someway)
I'm living some quite conflicting days.
Did you, friendly reader, ever got yourself feeling both opposites of a quality? Ehm? Like the fastest and the slowest, the smartest and the dumbest. Direct opposites.
How can a person feel that? And the answer is simple. You set up a goal and work towards it. You go hard towards it. You are progressing. Yet you are not there yet. That makes me feel at the same time the best and the worst. I feel progress at turtle steps. As if the end of the road is so so far away and I am walking inches in minutes.
I need to get quicker at network config. It's tough. Because I never before worried so much about being faster. Oh if by my will I could set my mind in motion. That's Mentat mantra for you. (from Dune, if you haven't read Dune, stop - read the book, come back later).
Sometimes I read the many command outputs and logs, look at the diagrams and the task items and restrictions. And I keep staring blankly at the screen hoping I enter into Mentat mode and spit out a Prime Projection. Of course it doesn't work. I have no Sapho Juice. I have coffee, but I guess it's not the same.
Regardless, I digress. I need to think faster. You may think I am fast, (yeah, a few people think I'm fast) but I need more.
How do you, friendly reader, get better into that which people regard you are competent enough. (well, people must believe I'm competent at this, otherwise I wouldn't be studying so much, right?)
Did you, friendly reader, ever got yourself feeling both opposites of a quality? Ehm? Like the fastest and the slowest, the smartest and the dumbest. Direct opposites.
How can a person feel that? And the answer is simple. You set up a goal and work towards it. You go hard towards it. You are progressing. Yet you are not there yet. That makes me feel at the same time the best and the worst. I feel progress at turtle steps. As if the end of the road is so so far away and I am walking inches in minutes.
I need to get quicker at network config. It's tough. Because I never before worried so much about being faster. Oh if by my will I could set my mind in motion. That's Mentat mantra for you. (from Dune, if you haven't read Dune, stop - read the book, come back later).
Sometimes I read the many command outputs and logs, look at the diagrams and the task items and restrictions. And I keep staring blankly at the screen hoping I enter into Mentat mode and spit out a Prime Projection. Of course it doesn't work. I have no Sapho Juice. I have coffee, but I guess it's not the same.
Regardless, I digress. I need to think faster. You may think I am fast, (yeah, a few people think I'm fast) but I need more.
How do you, friendly reader, get better into that which people regard you are competent enough. (well, people must believe I'm competent at this, otherwise I wouldn't be studying so much, right?)
Conscious Breathing
Taken from http://www.mindfulnessmeditationcentre.org/breathingGathas.php
Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.
Breathing in, I see myself as a flower.
Breathing out, I feel fresh.
Breathing in, I see myself as a mountain
Breathing out, I feel solid.
Breathing in, I feel myself as still water.
Breathing out, I reflect things as they are.
Breathing in, I see myself as space.
Breathing out, I feel free.
Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out.
As my in-breath grows deep,
My out breath grows slow.
Breathing in makes me calm.
Breathing out brings me ease.
With the in-breath, I smile,
With the out-breath I release.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.
Feelings come and go, like clouds in a windy sky
Conscious breathing is my anchor.
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