Happy anniversary for me! I know, I'm late congratulating myself, but here it is!

Xmas was great, just me and Jú. What is more unbelievable of all is that we did absolutely nothing different we ever do on long holidays! Apart from the fact we got a very good xmas dinner, of course.

This is what I believe makes me feel even more happier. I know now (I quite knew it already, but I feel a lot more confident) that we're perfect. To think we just stood lazying around, happy for doing nothing at all, just being with each other... after almost seven years together is incredible for me.

This was the best gift I could ever win, so immaterial, so ethereal... but deeply real and as good as it gets.
Another birthday is coming! So much has changed, yet so much is still the same. It's good to know that some of the best parts of my day life still exist. I still have time for some fun reading and listening to good music, I still have time to watch good sci-fi and nerd around the Internet.

This is going to be a short post. I just wanted to point it out this. Do you feel you're living out your life? Do you believe you're getting something out of this?

I do. I am. I had my rough days in the past, and I know for sure these days always come back. But I'm ready for it. And besides a few bad days, I've been ready all my life.
Now for a bit of English Poetry:

"Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

Aye, I know this is different from my usual posts. Yet so much like an Eternal Worries post. The thing is. I want to be such heroic person. Of course not in such proportions, even less in heroic adventures... But I don't want to leave ridiculous tales to my children. I hear stories of people that can only be desperate or completely clueless. How will such people feel, in the future, remembering those stories? Would they be ashamed? Would they regret? Would they laugh and judge everyone complete fools for believing those stories?

I want not an idle fate, of lies and deception and lost friends. I want not to enter to history as an lost cause, as someone whose past is to be laughed from. I want nice tales and bravery stories, of new old friends and glorious gold. I want no shame of things I did, be it yesterday or yester that year.
Walking back home a few days ago, I summoned another Storm of Change. Incredible how the world is thin, how superstitions play such a big role in our lives.

I feel strangely powerful for being able to harness the Winds of Change, of being able to make the world move on.

Trust your guns.

I evoke again the Gunslingers Creed. It may sound a bit dark, as I am in a bit of a dark mood (I'm reading the last book, and it's got some creepy parts), but be assured, It shows only my determination.

"I do not aim with my hand,
He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father;
I aim with my eye.
I do not shoot with my gun,
He who shoots with his gun has forgotten the face of his father;
I shoot with my mind.
I do not kill with my gun,
He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father;
I kill with my heart."

I haven't forgotten your face, Father.

And the world is moving on.
As always, music has such powerful influence over me.

Drumbeats, guitar riffs, synthesized sounds. Overwhelming layers of complex melodies. Dirty distortions, fade-ins, fade-outs, incredible tasty clicks. Lovely, sexy, gorgeous vocals. Ambiguous, evil and subliminar samples. Life energy waves in form of sound.

I listen to music and I love it. Where is life for people that don't enjoy good music?
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars,
compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good
health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed
interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your
friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a
three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing
game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose
rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable
home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up
brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

John Hodge

Most probably, I've already posted this marvelous piece of poetry here. But it deserves to be remembered, as all good things in life.
It's a month since my last post. Curiously, this is the hardest winter of my life, obviously, because I'm living in one of the coldest cities of Brazil. There were several mornings where the temperature went as low as 1 degree

Anyway, I'm learning new habilities, like typing with two pairs of gloves, wearing two pairs of socks and wearing a ton of clothes and maintaining any flexibility at all. :)

The thing is, yes, cold is hard, but I'm good. Once one friend told me that that harsh environments helps people get tougher, I do believe him. Actually, I've read it too, so, I'm sure he is right.

What I know for sure is that being here is great. I'm feeling each day more and more centered. As if I'm where I should be. Things will start to happen now, as I've been expecting all these years.
In the eternal quest for happiness, man is never satisfied with his actual condition.

We are like hungry beasts, always wishing for more and more.

Give me a good job, I want a raise. Give me a good wife, and I want her all the time I can!

Yeah, don't get me wrong. I don't want two jobs, or two wives. All I want is one of each, and the best of each, of course. Don't expect me to hop job after job longing for the same job as you, don't expect me to go in wild adventures taking worthless risks all for the ridiculous idea that this is what "living" should be.

I know life, I may be less than thirty yet, but I know life. Some years ago I wouldn't be so sure of that, but now I know.

All this rapid change re-made me. What before required deep thinking and meditation now comes easier. You probably doesn't understand what the hell I'm talking about, nevermind. I'm just saying that I can see things clearer now than before.
I don't like to goad, really.

Last post I was goading, but thinking it would happen. But it not only happened but happened sourly.

The Great Architect, it seems, either sacrificed his horse, of asked a boon of faith. I'm not sure, as I don't follow that old religion.

All I know is that sins are punished. Lucky me that have no religion on old gods.
Fate is a very powerful concept.

The feeling that something is happening out of Fate is very mystic. Experiencing Fate is like touching the powers that shape our reality.

I must confess I've been so sad about recent happenings. Having your work unacknowledged, worst of all, for reasons totally unrelated to you or your work. Out of old greed, invoking old powers.

Curiously, trying to blame failure upon something that didn't failed, only hoping it will mislead and confuse, is a very bad escape route. It may work and look quite easy. Smart even. But it is totally bound to fail. Fated.

And Fate made it's rules be obeyed and Fate created failure. I may not be faithful on religions. But I do not pretend to believe in them. I know Gods have their tempers and tempers should be feared.

The Great Architect of the Universe, if I can say His title without blasphemy, just made it true that some Rules should be obeyed.

Oh, I'm not Mason, nor want to be. I am free from god bounds. I pay my price but I have no sins. Sins are to be punished, be sure of that. Old Gods never forgive and never forget.
Infected Mushroom once was a proud Israeli trance project.

They made driving, psychedelic, completely overwhelming music. It cranked your mind into a level of deep concentration, it made you suddenly realize there are depths into our minds that few have the knowledge to unlock.

Most people listened to old Infected Mushroom and only skimmed into it's deepness. They listened to it and said, "Hey, that's powerful music". I know better.

Infected Mushroom changed a lot. Their music is still powerfull. It is still deep. It's wonderfully, masterfully layered. But it is not Israeli trance anymore.

I must confess I miss israeli. Real, true to it's origins israeli.

But I must confess too this new Infected (not so new, but a lot more mature into it's newness than before) is also very, very good. I'm listening to it shaking a bit (from the cold, it's damned cold) but with hot ears and heart.

This is wonderfull. Totally impressive.
No limits allowed, cause there's much crowd
Microphone check as I choose my route
I'm playing on the rope,I've got no fear
The sound from my mouth is the rap you hear
No valley too deep, no mountain too high
Reach the top, touch the sky
You try to dis me cause I sell out
I'm making techno and now I am proud

No no limits, we'll reach for the sky
No valley to deep, no mountain to high
No no limits, won't give up the fight
We do what we want and we do it with pride
It's no surprise change means adaptation. We've moved on and now things have changed and we must adapt.

It is not an easy thing for some to adapt. I do try to understand this. I know adaptation is difficult. I get myself unaware I'm resisting change sometimes. But we must adapt.

We're getting closer to completing two months here. Things still are far from good. Things are way better than they ever been, yet there is so much room for improvement.

I'm feeling another Eternal Worry right now. I don't know what future holds these days. But I see renewed strenght and vitality. I hope I can be strong enough, I hope I can understand enough and I hope I can adapt fast enough.

Why things change? I'm not complaining, I'm just asking.
In less than two months here, I've lived what I haven't in almost six years.

I'm still slowly waking up. I'm still slowly catching up.

I feel like my brain was frozen and it's coming back to life. As if my legs are shorter than the strides I want to do.

I'm impatient to improve, to learn and do more.

Finally I found a path. Finally the world moved on.
The Bene Gesserit Litany against Fear holds true to its meaning and it shows my mood.

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

The storm is gone, I have not feared and only I remain.

I've looked into it's core, I have seen the fear and the eye of the storm. The storm I've summoned and that I wished stronger than all, and I remain.

Life is good again, the path is set and the sky is clear.

My future resumes it's way.

Since my last post was a lyric, I guess I'll post a very old one, from a movie that marked deeply in my childhood memories, I've had the luck to watch the movie again and here it is, very cheesy, and f**k whoever that didn't like that movie.

"Turn around, look at what you see
In her face, the mirror of your dreams
Make believe I'm everywhere, living in your eyes
Written on the pages is the answer to our neverending story

Reach the stars, fly a fantasy
Dream a dream, and what you see will be
Lives that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer to our neverending story

Show no fear, for she may fade away
In your hand, the birth of a new day
Lives that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer to our neverending story"
'The time has come, to lift the veil, from this illusion. To see things, as they really are! The time has come, for a new beginning. The time has come... so let go, let go, let go!'

'Find a guide, inside yourself, to lift your inner vision. And see yourself, as you really are! Time speeds up, accelerating evolution. The time has come... so wake up, wake up, wake up!'

Space Tribe - You Create Your Own Reality
While I'm getting ready for the next storm, with my mind in the future, I can feel a tug on my sleeve. The past is trying to hold me and tries to make me stay.

It is the final proof I don't want those problems of the past again and that I am definitely taking the right decision. My life will be better far away from this city, not only because opportunities will be better, but simply because I still have wounds that haven't closed yet. It will be a lot more rewarding in the future when the wounds have healed and I'm strong on my path, to look back and see how small that problem had become, devoid of food but hungry as a sandworm. It may look like a big problem now. But I already sense it has gotten smaller, and it's getting smaller everyday, now that I'm not helping it grow anymore.

To the occasional reader, know that problems are just like leeches. They suck on your blood and energy, they're vampires of your determination and they grow stronger on your fears. Be calm. Put the problem on the microscope and analyse it with pincers, dissect and run tests on it. Plan experiments, collect results. Use your analytical mind and treat your problem as coldly as a Vulcan. No problem is big enough if you accept risk and losses.