On the Log of Eternal Worries, the only really eternal thing are my worries.
Buddha teaches us that exterior happiness lasts very little. Worries are perhaps (amongst other things), the fear of seeing that happiness end.
The golden team I wrote about in the last post is no more. There are very few of us now, the other members left the company in pursue of personal goals and those left are burdened with so much work, we can barely work eat lunch together.
Yet, I still feel we look for each other, I still feel we want what is best for the Network. It's only that we are tired. We are too few to be able to meet our own expectations. We set such a high level of results a year ago and right now we do not have enough hands on deck to meet those expectations.
The pressure for results is high and so the rush to meet deadlines and basic project goals has been nicking our standards, a nick each day.
Although I spoke that out loud, that we are barely hitting our marks and delivering results with shortcuts that may have a cost tomorrow, I feel entrapped and taking shortcuts too. A few months ago I was so angry with myself for letting me do it I almost quit!
We do not have spare time for our own projects - the ones that show our love for our profession. Good documentation, periodic maintenance, config cleanups, roadmaps for improvements. All of our time is spent rushing one project after another, fixing things as they break, barely detecting severe issues before they blow. Sometimes we do get explosions and the shrapnel hits us hot and leaving scars.
All that drama aside, this is one of the best places to be, in Brazil. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, unless of course I get an offer abroad, who knows? A lot of people are leaving Brazil, our country is so deep in shit I cannot say that anyone that left has had a bad idea. But I digress.
We're still one heck of a good team. Were we better? Yeah, nobody replaced the ones that left. We are part of a bigger team now, but the core problems we face now we need to solve without the rest of the big team, because the big team also has its hands full and less people. I do understand how hard it is for them to help us. It's not that they don't want. They're being dragged as we are.
Anyway, this is the Log of Eternal Worries. And even when I am happy (and tired), I am worried about something.