Two sides of happiness (maybe three).

Once again, so much time has passed since my last post.

First of all, after such troubled times, I feel that I'm living some of the best of my days. It doesn't mean they are trouble-free, but it means I'm looking at their best sides, and my friendly reader, it means a lot.

It turns out I'm finally living all those teachings regarding "looking at the best side of life", etc. It's damm simple actually. Get all your life problems and make they really small. You can use whatever technique you like. Either visualization, hearing (yeah, some people "listen" to their thoughts), whatever. Just make it small. Imagine a globe with all your problems and imagine your hands making it a small ball, very tiny. Or if you are a "hearing" person, make them from very loud to barely whispers.

Make sure you don't make them disappear in your head. It's not about ignoring them. It's about giving them the proper importance, which is way smaller than what you're used to guess. It'll work, I guarantee or I'll give you a refund.

Also, make sure you don't start imagining the best parts of your life. That would, in the realm of this post, create expectations. Expectations are bad, in my opinion. They end up frustrating you. I used to be very frustrated. That's because I used to have huge expectations. I expected a lot from me. From my job, friends, from relatives, even from my wife and my dog. We keep expecting the best from ourselves and other people that we end up totally crashed when those things didn't happen. That's stupid right? We are suffering because of things we created inside our head that never even passed thru other people's head. Can you see from the last sentence how absurd it is?

Let me tell you how to cope with it, it may be hard, but that's because we feed on such thoughts: Don't expect people to do the right thing. It sounds pessimistic. It is not. It's more of a zen thing. You don't expect good. But you don't expect bad either. You don't expect anything. You avoid expectation, and thus you are free. That's it. Much easier said than done. You will need some time to feel it, and I never knew that's what some time meditating exists for. Spend some time just contemplating the idea. No need to sit like a buddhist monk, or doing yoga stunts. Do it when you are shitting, when you are about to sleep, when you're listening to your favorite band, on the treadmill, wherever, as long as you are doing the thinking actively, it will work. People make simple things too complex these days. Just do it, you will reap results.

Last of all, as sort of a corollary of the previous idea, please don't do what people expect just because they expect it of you. People expect you to do tons of shit. Friendly reader, this is totally fucked up. It makes you sick to the bone. It creates inside of you that horrible feeling you are not true to yourself. As if you are constrained by what society expects of us. I tell you, this is worthless. I stopped doing what people expected of me some years ago. It made me free. Oh right, some people will disaprove. But these people disaprove a lot of things, if you never noticed. Naysayers are always saying no. Fuck them. Everytime you do things you feel you shouldn't have done you end up feeling a little more miserable. It's a horrible feeling, I tell you from personal experience. So what do you do? Find an excuse. Find someone else to do it for you, ignore the request, whatever. No point in shackling yourself to the bounds of hypocrisy. Let yourself do what people expect of you only if you really want to do it.

Well as you can see, I'm a bit inspired and could keep on this preaching all day long. I won't. I wanted this post shorter than what it is, but it's ok I guess.

I used to think a lot about what the fuck I am doing here.

These days I don't think much about this. I just found out that as long as I am doing what I like to do, with people I like to be with, that is good enough. Heck, that's great! I just have to keep away those I don't like, and get rid of the things I don't like to do, as fast as I can.

It usually works quite well, and all that worrying about Life, the Universe and Everything just doesn't bother me at all.

It does makes sense, doesn't it? It's a simple formula. And usually, the simple answers are the correct ones.

And I believe most people get the same idea. Hey, let me work with such-minded people, let me be with such-minded people - there, that's paradise on earth! And I  bet such people recognizes one another. Fast. Such people got such clear perception of how life can be good, that it's impossible for people like this not to get along. Give it some years and this is the stuff of long lasting friendships.

But of course, all these years worrying gave me another good insight - there are people that don't think this is the answer. In fact, these are the people that have been perplexing me most of the time I spend here in the blog.

How can it not make any sense? What the fuck are these people doing here?

Who are these people that don't know what the fuck they're doing here? Why they cannot simply do what they like to do? Why cannot them be with the people they like to be with?

First answer could be "they don't know what they like to do" and I'll tell you, yes, they know. Everybody knows. Some just don't believe hard enough that they can do it for a living. But that's besides the point. The point is that some people don't really believe that doing what they like is important. That's the point.

So... what the fuck is important for these people?

I don't know. I spent the last three hours trying to write about this. And I'm giving up for now. I don't have a clue. Maybe they don't like to think, or they hate change, maybe they don't want any challenges in life. Dude, maybe they're hollow. Maybe they don't like to help. Maybe they've been waiting since 8am for 6pm so they can leave the office again. It makes no sense to me, and trying to make such things make any sense is weird, so I'm probably wrong. I'm feel confusion again.

Anyway, I'll publish this post maybe my confusion goes away. :)

Go For It!

Hoje lembrei de um gringo desconhecido, que vendia camisetas meio havaianas mas com estampas de dragões, o cara era loiro e falava com sotaque australiano.

Um monte de fotos em lugares diferentes no quiosque de roupas dele. Ele mal falava Português. Eu perguntei pro cara... "Como foi que você veio parar aqui?" eu estava numa feira de cultura alternativa, na Barra Funda em SP, em 1999.

Ele respondeu "eu queria conhecer o mundo, então decidi vender roupas para poder fazer isso." E eu falei, "que coragem, eu também queria fazer isso". E ele "Manda ver!" (Go for it!) Desde então, eu guardo estas três palavras como parte da minha filosofia pessoal.

É meu motivador para que eu faça aquilo que eu quero, quando eu quero, e da forma que eu quero. Para que eu tente aquilo que todos dizem ser impossível, para que eu ligue o foda-se na hora de enfrentar os desafios.

Conheci algumas pessoas com esta atitude "Go For It!". Eu tenho profunda admiração por estas pessoas.

Este post é para vocês.

PS, naquele dia eu comprei uma camiseta havaiana com estampa de dragões.
Today was a difficult day. Sometimes my job is so easy, besides all the problems people create, besides all the problems I create myself, because I have with me people that love doing their jobs.

It is *very* easy to work with people that love their jobs. It is easy to connect with them, even when we disagree, because we share the same goal. Because I can feel their passion. And I can relate to that. And I feel it too. These people I like the most, they also have their own problems to solve but they're mostly concerned on preserving this feeling. We're all in deep shit, but we've got to work together and it's something we're gonna be proud of. And we are. And fuck all the rest.

Sometimes, though. I see people obsessively worried on being perfect.Throwing your words back at you misinterpreted. Wait, what? You were talking about something else. Yes, that's exactly the confusion I felt today. I was about to say this. I was about to tell someone that this is what makes our work good, besides all the odds and egos.

And it got out of control. Suddenly it became an argument about agressiveness, about teamwork, about being right, and about people's opinions. It became shit. I became an argument about things that shouldn't be said and were. About me losing my voice, as if slapped in the face, hands almost shaking (were them shaking?), as if I had gone where I shouldn't. As if I had betrayed those I had sworn (to myself) to help.

I felt shame. And I still feel. I failed. I failed to help someone. I failed to lead. I failed to be a better person.

It will make me think twice, thrice, tetrice even. I will try harder. I just hope it never happens again, this confused feeling that feels like my failure is hurting another person. And guess what, I didn't even like the person. But it feels like I hurt myself. I don't know yet how to interpret this feeling. Shame, guilty, you name it. End of the day and my head hurts. And I guess other people's heads are hurting too.

Not a good day.