Get to know some few basics truths about life:

You can't quit smoking without facing some side effects.

Yeah, oficially I've already quit smoking once. I kinda got back into the habit, and last saturday I quit again.

Anyway, the side effects. You get really mean. Yeah, I mean fucking mean. To prove my point, my girlfriend was trying to get me angry, a few hours ago, at the phone. It wasn't nice of her to meet my really bad mean me. I apologized right after. It was almost too late. So, she has her guilty after all. Had she not asked so much for me to quit smoking, maybe this incident never would happen. Yeah, you can say I was the one that started it all, after all, I'm the smoker.

You damm wrong too, if you think like that. There is nothing at all that forbids me to smoke. I smoked because I liked doing it and get real, pal, I still like. I don't smoke simply because I don't want, and fuck you, I won't tell you any fucking reason. You fucking never really understood my side, so fuck you, fuck you fuck you and I won't fucking give any bloody explanation. That's the fucking least I can do to get my free will going sane.


And get real. I'm quitting my tobacco and I won't be mr. nice guy for a good time.

There is an amazingly vast flea market in the web.

If you never tried it, it is really fun, and it works like a charm. You need to know your sources, of course. But once you know them, dealing in the web is rapid, efficient and safe.

I buy all my high-tech gear in the web these days. A few little things I buy with my very personal courier-importabandeator. But most of the hard to find stuff you can easily find online at good online mailing-lists.

Something The Lord of The Eternal Worries never has to worry at all.

Insomnia is becoming an old friend of mine.

I don't know what causes it. Is it the excess coffee? Tobacco? I will never know for sure.

When I was on medicine, of course, the insomnia was a little more moderate. Yet I remember clearly I had trouble going to sleep as well.

What strikes me harder is that I can't remember what is a good night of sleep. Maybe it's been some years since I gone to bed thinking: "Hey, it's time to go to bed!" And happily to bed I went. Going to bed for me is like walking some portal into an unknown Stephen King world where nightmares lurk in the shadow. Of a deep fear of some unknown force, slowly weakening your reasoning, throwing away your logic. Impossible to sleep, tired mind and body. Looking at the ceiling watching the floor. Fighting whatever is keeping you awake. Desperation of being un-awake, yet not sleeping. Dreaming of being awake.

The best sleep I get these days is when my girlfriend is with me. Sleep comes easily. I need only her at my side and nothing else. She is really good medicine.

Maybe the fact that I'm feeling my life is totally chaotic is affecting my sleep. Indeed I am a good friend of chaos.

The time to reorganize my life is coming back. I already feel the turmoil announcing it. The total waves of disorder, of lateral actions taking place. Priorities going totally unnoticed.

This is a good omen at least. Wished I could break the cycle. Wished I could find a new loop to enter. This chaos-order cycle is driving me nuts.

Two exams. Two red grades. The duality of the universe revolves on the possibility of everything either working or not.

This time it didn't. Guess I just started hating math some more.