Childhood was tough. My teen years were tougher. Living out my father's last years were even tougher. I had many moments in my life where I felt I was having to prove myself yet again.
I do not want to diminish all those past events as they all contributed to the person I am today.
But the last 3 years... They were and most probably will be the hardest 3 years ever. Never before I had to fight myself this hard. Never before I had to understand people so different from my beliefs, from what I believe is Right.
We are beings of infinite possibilities. We can be our best and our worst. These 3 last years brought out my best. I feel the best I have ever been. But to get there I had to face the worst people I never imagined would exist in real life. I can imagine some people's actions in Game of Thrones or a Stephen King novel. But I saw things that fiction cannot mimic. People so low and dark that no writer would ever dare to create.
That showed me that it is our choice to be what we want. The choice is quick. It's a quanta long. The repercussions are huge and span lifetimes. They will mark your soul, they will mark people's souls forever. Yet some people are not aware of the incredible effect they can impress on other people's lives. It takes a nanosecond to choose to be the your best or your worst. To be better or simply say whatever...
We can never hope to fully understand other people's actions. Sometimes all we are left with are the consequences. And one thing I learned is that sometimes judging people by the consequences is not fair. A part of me wants to believe people do have good intentions. We are not created equally. We do not mature equally. Some people are full of good intentions, even if the results are bad. Some people... as always, some people fail my understanding. I can only label them as evil, repulsive beings, unable to touch the person if front of them. Unable to connect with our core. Some people are dead inside. They lost the touch of goodness. They forgot that good feeling you get from a smile of someone touched by your good actions. They forgot what our life is about. I pity these people, I pity the fact that they exist at all, they would be good examples in fiction but it seems the Cosmic Powers that be need that they physically exist. Perhaps they exist simply to give us something to strive about. Perhaps they are proof that Karma is real. Perhaps they are part of our One-ness that somehow disconnected trying to make sense of it all and now are wailing, screaming, bitching, angry and desperate, resentfull and small, hitting their fists on the table frustrated they cannot escape their very incompetence. Projecting unto others the smallness of their own beings, the flaws so evident that people can only fear being the next target, fearing they will lose their wits and reduce themselves to that empty shell of meat and bones. Fearing the future is a bleak thing where we are imprisoned until our retirement days. Buddha teaches us about compassion. This post is my act of compassion. I hope you can feel the same way as I am feeling now. I mix of frustration and anger of the three years of living with this people.
I am of course way happier now. I am finally free from them. If I ever have to face people like this in the future, I will be stronger. I will feel better prepared. They are everywhere and I know they are a minority. Yet I end this chapter in my life sure that I am a kinder person, someone much better than the person I was three years before.