Anger builds quickly inside me. Why?

Have you ever tried tracing back the anger... trying to find the source, the motive that made you angry?

I found one tonight.

It happens when I do my best to give someone the best time of her life. And suddenly, I goof, near the end of the night. Then all the magic of the date goes away. Reality strikes hard, strong, powerfull, unforgiving.

I end up sad, because I don't like feeling goofy. I don't like to make mistakes. I don't like being out of control.

Then sadness is a feeling I refuse. I can't accept feeling sad about myself. I prefer to throw it off. Twist it into something that drives me into action, not passiveness. And I grow angry. Really angry.

It's a very solid short circuit inside me. Almost three years trying to understand myself, I thought I had it fixed. It isn't.

Maybe it's a side effect of having strong views about the world. I try so hard to follow the rules of my world that mistakes end up in the heaviest fines.

Go for your dreams, plan all to the end, but never lose the touch with your very humanity. You are not perfect. You are human. You can make mistakes. You can forgive yourself.
Funny thing this shit called Envy.

Maybe one of the most ignorant, idiot, totally wrong feelings... I felt the horrible eye of envy over me my whole life.

Ppl envy my gadgets, my friends, my luck, my projects, my opportunities... As if what I have is so tough to get, so unique or special. My gadgets are like anyone else gadgets. I value them because I know how to use them. There's nothing magical about them.

All my friends became my friends little by little. Shared experiences and projects. Adventures, good talks, nice chats... Nothing special either.

What about my projects? No big secret too. I have an idea. I try to make it real. Can it be so difficult? Tough to grasp or understand? I don't get it. I GO FOR IT.

Yet, I see eyes lurking in the shadows... They watch me wherever I go. They talk behind me... they say... "Look... that's that dude. That arrogant full of himself, king of the mountain dude."

And I did nothing against those ppl. I've never approached one of those ppl and screamed at their faces: "LOOK OVER HERE YOUR LOSER! SUCK MY BIG FAT DI*K, SO YOU LEARN HOW TO DO IT RIGHT"....

Maybe I should start saying these things. After all, I need to have some fun too.
I found another rule in the game of life.

Be careful with your wishes, they might come true.

Yeah, I know, old saying. Nevertheless, it it true. I've been wishing to work on lots of projects, now I got them. And I'm kinda lost organizing my time now.

That's funny because I already had to manage many projects at once and I always did it quite easily.
Have you ever heard about the magical secrets of life?

Yeah, everybody knows a few of them.

For instance, I will give out my personal best secret of life, self-help style: Tell the problems to f*ck itself!

Yes, that easy.

You have a problem, you don't know how to solve it. Say "f*ck you!!!" to it. Very loud, intense, heartfelt. And you will see how easy it will be to solve it then.

Another trick, as I'm in the mood. Never forget you can do what you believe you can do. That's a tough to explain trick because I always hear some as*hole saying: "So, I can fly, then". That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that whatever you need to do, the first thing to do is believe you can do it. Oh, You don't believe me? Think I'm a hypocrite? Well, then I guess you need a bit more confidence.

"Are you a mexiCAN or a mexiCAT?" - Desperado II