To be able to dream is great. To make plans is awesome. But when you cannot count on someone sharing your dreams... Life becomes a nightmare.
I almost erased my previous post. But that isn't life.
There's no deleting old posts, there's no undo.
I always have eternal worries troubling my mind. Are you as troubled as me?
I just had the perfect idea for a short vacation near to our 8th year together.
8 is a magic number, it means a lot for us. The symbol is so strong I can draw inumerous meanings of it.
We're opposites. Complete different universes coming together.
By the way, is it my imagination, or being awake for +20h straight is making me a bit delusional? Anyway I know now the surprise that is coming for my love on our next celebration for being together.
Maybe I'm a bit gray most of the time. But I got my moments. That's for sure.
8 is a magic number, it means a lot for us. The symbol is so strong I can draw inumerous meanings of it.
We're opposites. Complete different universes coming together.
By the way, is it my imagination, or being awake for +20h straight is making me a bit delusional? Anyway I know now the surprise that is coming for my love on our next celebration for being together.
Maybe I'm a bit gray most of the time. But I got my moments. That's for sure.
Time is moving fast these days.
I got a new dog, perfect gift for me and Jú. It's name is Pietra, I know, it's not a dog's name, but it came with a name, who am I to change the name of a living thing?
This isn't the happy dog owner blog, though. This is the Log of Eternal Worries. So I must ask, how can someone understand that sometimes, when you think that everyone around you has become enemies, that it's not the world that is full of enemies, but simply, you're fighting yourself. Damn, late night philosophy makes my english skills fail miserably.
Lemme try again: If you believe that everybody around you is your enemy, think again. You are your worst enemy.
I like to think that I flow with Tao. If you see an enemy in me, an enemy I will be. If you see a friend in me, you have all my friendship.
Just remembered a good quote now: "Easy to forgive, hard to forget", something like that. Great thought to go to bed.
I got a new dog, perfect gift for me and Jú. It's name is Pietra, I know, it's not a dog's name, but it came with a name, who am I to change the name of a living thing?
This isn't the happy dog owner blog, though. This is the Log of Eternal Worries. So I must ask, how can someone understand that sometimes, when you think that everyone around you has become enemies, that it's not the world that is full of enemies, but simply, you're fighting yourself. Damn, late night philosophy makes my english skills fail miserably.
Lemme try again: If you believe that everybody around you is your enemy, think again. You are your worst enemy.
I like to think that I flow with Tao. If you see an enemy in me, an enemy I will be. If you see a friend in me, you have all my friendship.
Just remembered a good quote now: "Easy to forgive, hard to forget", something like that. Great thought to go to bed.
BOFH rocks!
Look at this:
"The 'great' thing about crap engineers is that they don't let something like not knowing anything about the product hamper them in any way. They're quite prepared to lift the cover on something, pull the memory out, hold the memory in their mouth while they bend a couple of heatsinks out of the way looking for a loose wire, shove the memory back in the slot, reseat it with a small amount of pressure, a medium amount of pressure, a large amount of pressure, then realise it's in the wrong way and repeat the pressure install method, shut the cover then realise they've been working on the wrong machine the whole time - and maybe they should have turned the power off first..."
Perfect for a fortune cookie. :)
Look at this:
"The 'great' thing about crap engineers is that they don't let something like not knowing anything about the product hamper them in any way. They're quite prepared to lift the cover on something, pull the memory out, hold the memory in their mouth while they bend a couple of heatsinks out of the way looking for a loose wire, shove the memory back in the slot, reseat it with a small amount of pressure, a medium amount of pressure, a large amount of pressure, then realise it's in the wrong way and repeat the pressure install method, shut the cover then realise they've been working on the wrong machine the whole time - and maybe they should have turned the power off first..."
Perfect for a fortune cookie. :)
Last night I had again one of my most pleasant dreams... Of flying!
That's almost the best type of dream I can have (think for yourself what's the best one).
I did a little google on it. Lucid Dreaming! It's been ages since I recall having lucid dreams (at least, of the sort that scared me to hell), and I was trying to remember... I've had a lot of flying dreams lately. I gotta tell you, it's one of the best feelings I have when dreaming.
I cannot totally direct my flying, I know though that I'm moving faster, gliding and that I can move just by thinking... like levitating. It's weird, I know. And the curious thing: I feel like I remembered how to fly. It seems that as soon as I wake up, though, I forget how, unfortunately. But I feel weightless, and though the dreamworld is somewhat delimited in paths, I know I'm moving a lot faster than other people.
I wished I could control it more... not sure what is the use for that, but it's a really cool way to have fun.
That's almost the best type of dream I can have (think for yourself what's the best one).
I did a little google on it. Lucid Dreaming! It's been ages since I recall having lucid dreams (at least, of the sort that scared me to hell), and I was trying to remember... I've had a lot of flying dreams lately. I gotta tell you, it's one of the best feelings I have when dreaming.
I cannot totally direct my flying, I know though that I'm moving faster, gliding and that I can move just by thinking... like levitating. It's weird, I know. And the curious thing: I feel like I remembered how to fly. It seems that as soon as I wake up, though, I forget how, unfortunately. But I feel weightless, and though the dreamworld is somewhat delimited in paths, I know I'm moving a lot faster than other people.
I wished I could control it more... not sure what is the use for that, but it's a really cool way to have fun.
The world ends with you!
Yes, I'm a lazy poster... but I gotta tell you. This is the best game I've played recently. And the best Nintendo DS game I've ever played... Not that I played many games in the DS... but this one is the best.
The story is so tuned to my mind and beliefs, it's hard to believe, but it is.
I hope to see more games in the franchise...
Now returning to some eternal worries... Life goes on. :D
Yes, I'm a lazy poster... but I gotta tell you. This is the best game I've played recently. And the best Nintendo DS game I've ever played... Not that I played many games in the DS... but this one is the best.
The story is so tuned to my mind and beliefs, it's hard to believe, but it is.
I hope to see more games in the franchise...
Now returning to some eternal worries... Life goes on. :D
In 2008 I will complete 3 decades.
According to some specialists, it means I have about 10, 15 years of good work ahead, then some more years reaping results, until I retire, in about some 30 years at least.
I've been working since I was 14, that's almost 16 years of work already. Although I got very little financially from all these years, I believe I learned a way more a lot of people ever learn in their whole lives.
I know this sounds a bit arrogant. It is not meant to be. What I know won't get me rich any soon, neither will give me superpowers... perhaps I live a better life than a lot of people, yet I don't enjoy a lot of things a lot of people do.
Getting to the point of this post. What you know isn't enough to get you where you want. I know this now. Some choices I kinda regret but I won't turn back. I will do the best I can with what I have now and wait to see where it will take me.
There are other worlds than this, and in good time I'll have another chance.
(sorry for the dark mood)
According to some specialists, it means I have about 10, 15 years of good work ahead, then some more years reaping results, until I retire, in about some 30 years at least.
I've been working since I was 14, that's almost 16 years of work already. Although I got very little financially from all these years, I believe I learned a way more a lot of people ever learn in their whole lives.
I know this sounds a bit arrogant. It is not meant to be. What I know won't get me rich any soon, neither will give me superpowers... perhaps I live a better life than a lot of people, yet I don't enjoy a lot of things a lot of people do.
Getting to the point of this post. What you know isn't enough to get you where you want. I know this now. Some choices I kinda regret but I won't turn back. I will do the best I can with what I have now and wait to see where it will take me.
There are other worlds than this, and in good time I'll have another chance.
(sorry for the dark mood)
Happy anniversary for me! I know, I'm late congratulating myself, but here it is!
Xmas was great, just me and Jú. What is more unbelievable of all is that we did absolutely nothing different we ever do on long holidays! Apart from the fact we got a very good xmas dinner, of course.
This is what I believe makes me feel even more happier. I know now (I quite knew it already, but I feel a lot more confident) that we're perfect. To think we just stood lazying around, happy for doing nothing at all, just being with each other... after almost seven years together is incredible for me.
This was the best gift I could ever win, so immaterial, so ethereal... but deeply real and as good as it gets.
Xmas was great, just me and Jú. What is more unbelievable of all is that we did absolutely nothing different we ever do on long holidays! Apart from the fact we got a very good xmas dinner, of course.
This is what I believe makes me feel even more happier. I know now (I quite knew it already, but I feel a lot more confident) that we're perfect. To think we just stood lazying around, happy for doing nothing at all, just being with each other... after almost seven years together is incredible for me.
This was the best gift I could ever win, so immaterial, so ethereal... but deeply real and as good as it gets.
Another birthday is coming! So much has changed, yet so much is still the same. It's good to know that some of the best parts of my day life still exist. I still have time for some fun reading and listening to good music, I still have time to watch good sci-fi and nerd around the Internet.
This is going to be a short post. I just wanted to point it out this. Do you feel you're living out your life? Do you believe you're getting something out of this?
I do. I am. I had my rough days in the past, and I know for sure these days always come back. But I'm ready for it. And besides a few bad days, I've been ready all my life.
This is going to be a short post. I just wanted to point it out this. Do you feel you're living out your life? Do you believe you're getting something out of this?
I do. I am. I had my rough days in the past, and I know for sure these days always come back. But I'm ready for it. And besides a few bad days, I've been ready all my life.
Now for a bit of English Poetry:
"Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."
Aye, I know this is different from my usual posts. Yet so much like an Eternal Worries post. The thing is. I want to be such heroic person. Of course not in such proportions, even less in heroic adventures... But I don't want to leave ridiculous tales to my children. I hear stories of people that can only be desperate or completely clueless. How will such people feel, in the future, remembering those stories? Would they be ashamed? Would they regret? Would they laugh and judge everyone complete fools for believing those stories?
I want not an idle fate, of lies and deception and lost friends. I want not to enter to history as an lost cause, as someone whose past is to be laughed from. I want nice tales and bravery stories, of new old friends and glorious gold. I want no shame of things I did, be it yesterday or yester that year.
"Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."
Aye, I know this is different from my usual posts. Yet so much like an Eternal Worries post. The thing is. I want to be such heroic person. Of course not in such proportions, even less in heroic adventures... But I don't want to leave ridiculous tales to my children. I hear stories of people that can only be desperate or completely clueless. How will such people feel, in the future, remembering those stories? Would they be ashamed? Would they regret? Would they laugh and judge everyone complete fools for believing those stories?
I want not an idle fate, of lies and deception and lost friends. I want not to enter to history as an lost cause, as someone whose past is to be laughed from. I want nice tales and bravery stories, of new old friends and glorious gold. I want no shame of things I did, be it yesterday or yester that year.
Walking back home a few days ago, I summoned another Storm of Change. Incredible how the world is thin, how superstitions play such a big role in our lives.
I feel strangely powerful for being able to harness the Winds of Change, of being able to make the world move on.
Trust your guns.
I evoke again the Gunslingers Creed. It may sound a bit dark, as I am in a bit of a dark mood (I'm reading the last book, and it's got some creepy parts), but be assured, It shows only my determination.
"I do not aim with my hand,
He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father;
I aim with my eye.
I do not shoot with my gun,
He who shoots with his gun has forgotten the face of his father;
I shoot with my mind.
I do not kill with my gun,
He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father;
I kill with my heart."
I haven't forgotten your face, Father.
And the world is moving on.
I feel strangely powerful for being able to harness the Winds of Change, of being able to make the world move on.
Trust your guns.
I evoke again the Gunslingers Creed. It may sound a bit dark, as I am in a bit of a dark mood (I'm reading the last book, and it's got some creepy parts), but be assured, It shows only my determination.
"I do not aim with my hand,
He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father;
I aim with my eye.
I do not shoot with my gun,
He who shoots with his gun has forgotten the face of his father;
I shoot with my mind.
I do not kill with my gun,
He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father;
I kill with my heart."
I haven't forgotten your face, Father.
And the world is moving on.
As always, music has such powerful influence over me.
Drumbeats, guitar riffs, synthesized sounds. Overwhelming layers of complex melodies. Dirty distortions, fade-ins, fade-outs, incredible tasty clicks. Lovely, sexy, gorgeous vocals. Ambiguous, evil and subliminar samples. Life energy waves in form of sound.
I listen to music and I love it. Where is life for people that don't enjoy good music?
Drumbeats, guitar riffs, synthesized sounds. Overwhelming layers of complex melodies. Dirty distortions, fade-ins, fade-outs, incredible tasty clicks. Lovely, sexy, gorgeous vocals. Ambiguous, evil and subliminar samples. Life energy waves in form of sound.
I listen to music and I love it. Where is life for people that don't enjoy good music?
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars,
compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good
health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed
interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your
friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a
three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing
game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose
rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable
home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up
brats you spawned to replace yourself.
Choose your future.
Choose life.
John Hodge
Most probably, I've already posted this marvelous piece of poetry here. But it deserves to be remembered, as all good things in life.
Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars,
compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good
health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed
interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your
friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a
three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing
game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose
rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable
home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up
brats you spawned to replace yourself.
Choose your future.
Choose life.
John Hodge
Most probably, I've already posted this marvelous piece of poetry here. But it deserves to be remembered, as all good things in life.
It's a month since my last post. Curiously, this is the hardest winter of my life, obviously, because I'm living in one of the coldest cities of Brazil. There were several mornings where the temperature went as low as 1 degree
Celsius...
Anyway, I'm learning new habilities, like typing with two pairs of gloves, wearing two pairs of socks and wearing a ton of clothes and maintaining any flexibility at all. :)
The thing is, yes, cold is hard, but I'm good. Once one friend told me that that harsh environments helps people get tougher, I do believe him. Actually, I've read it too, so, I'm sure he is right.
What I know for sure is that being here is great. I'm feeling each day more and more centered. As if I'm where I should be. Things will start to happen now, as I've been expecting all these years.
Celsius...
Anyway, I'm learning new habilities, like typing with two pairs of gloves, wearing two pairs of socks and wearing a ton of clothes and maintaining any flexibility at all. :)
The thing is, yes, cold is hard, but I'm good. Once one friend told me that that harsh environments helps people get tougher, I do believe him. Actually, I've read it too, so, I'm sure he is right.
What I know for sure is that being here is great. I'm feeling each day more and more centered. As if I'm where I should be. Things will start to happen now, as I've been expecting all these years.
In the eternal quest for happiness, man is never satisfied with his actual condition.
We are like hungry beasts, always wishing for more and more.
Give me a good job, I want a raise. Give me a good wife, and I want her all the time I can!
Yeah, don't get me wrong. I don't want two jobs, or two wives. All I want is one of each, and the best of each, of course. Don't expect me to hop job after job longing for the same job as you, don't expect me to go in wild adventures taking worthless risks all for the ridiculous idea that this is what "living" should be.
I know life, I may be less than thirty yet, but I know life. Some years ago I wouldn't be so sure of that, but now I know.
All this rapid change re-made me. What before required deep thinking and meditation now comes easier. You probably doesn't understand what the hell I'm talking about, nevermind. I'm just saying that I can see things clearer now than before.
We are like hungry beasts, always wishing for more and more.
Give me a good job, I want a raise. Give me a good wife, and I want her all the time I can!
Yeah, don't get me wrong. I don't want two jobs, or two wives. All I want is one of each, and the best of each, of course. Don't expect me to hop job after job longing for the same job as you, don't expect me to go in wild adventures taking worthless risks all for the ridiculous idea that this is what "living" should be.
I know life, I may be less than thirty yet, but I know life. Some years ago I wouldn't be so sure of that, but now I know.
All this rapid change re-made me. What before required deep thinking and meditation now comes easier. You probably doesn't understand what the hell I'm talking about, nevermind. I'm just saying that I can see things clearer now than before.
I don't like to goad, really.
Last post I was goading, but thinking it would happen. But it not only happened but happened sourly.
The Great Architect, it seems, either sacrificed his horse, of asked a boon of faith. I'm not sure, as I don't follow that old religion.
All I know is that sins are punished. Lucky me that have no religion on old gods.
Last post I was goading, but thinking it would happen. But it not only happened but happened sourly.
The Great Architect, it seems, either sacrificed his horse, of asked a boon of faith. I'm not sure, as I don't follow that old religion.
All I know is that sins are punished. Lucky me that have no religion on old gods.
Fate is a very powerful concept.
The feeling that something is happening out of Fate is very mystic. Experiencing Fate is like touching the powers that shape our reality.
I must confess I've been so sad about recent happenings. Having your work unacknowledged, worst of all, for reasons totally unrelated to you or your work. Out of old greed, invoking old powers.
Curiously, trying to blame failure upon something that didn't failed, only hoping it will mislead and confuse, is a very bad escape route. It may work and look quite easy. Smart even. But it is totally bound to fail. Fated.
And Fate made it's rules be obeyed and Fate created failure. I may not be faithful on religions. But I do not pretend to believe in them. I know Gods have their tempers and tempers should be feared.
The Great Architect of the Universe, if I can say His title without blasphemy, just made it true that some Rules should be obeyed.
Oh, I'm not Mason, nor want to be. I am free from god bounds. I pay my price but I have no sins. Sins are to be punished, be sure of that. Old Gods never forgive and never forget.
The feeling that something is happening out of Fate is very mystic. Experiencing Fate is like touching the powers that shape our reality.
I must confess I've been so sad about recent happenings. Having your work unacknowledged, worst of all, for reasons totally unrelated to you or your work. Out of old greed, invoking old powers.
Curiously, trying to blame failure upon something that didn't failed, only hoping it will mislead and confuse, is a very bad escape route. It may work and look quite easy. Smart even. But it is totally bound to fail. Fated.
And Fate made it's rules be obeyed and Fate created failure. I may not be faithful on religions. But I do not pretend to believe in them. I know Gods have their tempers and tempers should be feared.
The Great Architect of the Universe, if I can say His title without blasphemy, just made it true that some Rules should be obeyed.
Oh, I'm not Mason, nor want to be. I am free from god bounds. I pay my price but I have no sins. Sins are to be punished, be sure of that. Old Gods never forgive and never forget.
Infected Mushroom once was a proud Israeli trance project.
They made driving, psychedelic, completely overwhelming music. It cranked your mind into a level of deep concentration, it made you suddenly realize there are depths into our minds that few have the knowledge to unlock.
Most people listened to old Infected Mushroom and only skimmed into it's deepness. They listened to it and said, "Hey, that's powerful music". I know better.
Infected Mushroom changed a lot. Their music is still powerfull. It is still deep. It's wonderfully, masterfully layered. But it is not Israeli trance anymore.
I must confess I miss israeli. Real, true to it's origins israeli.
But I must confess too this new Infected (not so new, but a lot more mature into it's newness than before) is also very, very good. I'm listening to it shaking a bit (from the cold, it's damned cold) but with hot ears and heart.
This is wonderfull. Totally impressive.
They made driving, psychedelic, completely overwhelming music. It cranked your mind into a level of deep concentration, it made you suddenly realize there are depths into our minds that few have the knowledge to unlock.
Most people listened to old Infected Mushroom and only skimmed into it's deepness. They listened to it and said, "Hey, that's powerful music". I know better.
Infected Mushroom changed a lot. Their music is still powerfull. It is still deep. It's wonderfully, masterfully layered. But it is not Israeli trance anymore.
I must confess I miss israeli. Real, true to it's origins israeli.
But I must confess too this new Infected (not so new, but a lot more mature into it's newness than before) is also very, very good. I'm listening to it shaking a bit (from the cold, it's damned cold) but with hot ears and heart.
This is wonderfull. Totally impressive.
No limits allowed, cause there's much crowd
Microphone check as I choose my route
I'm playing on the rope,I've got no fear
The sound from my mouth is the rap you hear
No valley too deep, no mountain too high
Reach the top, touch the sky
You try to dis me cause I sell out
I'm making techno and now I am proud
No no limits, we'll reach for the sky
No valley to deep, no mountain to high
No no limits, won't give up the fight
We do what we want and we do it with pride
Microphone check as I choose my route
I'm playing on the rope,I've got no fear
The sound from my mouth is the rap you hear
No valley too deep, no mountain too high
Reach the top, touch the sky
You try to dis me cause I sell out
I'm making techno and now I am proud
No no limits, we'll reach for the sky
No valley to deep, no mountain to high
No no limits, won't give up the fight
We do what we want and we do it with pride
It's no surprise change means adaptation. We've moved on and now things have changed and we must adapt.
It is not an easy thing for some to adapt. I do try to understand this. I know adaptation is difficult. I get myself unaware I'm resisting change sometimes. But we must adapt.
We're getting closer to completing two months here. Things still are far from good. Things are way better than they ever been, yet there is so much room for improvement.
I'm feeling another Eternal Worry right now. I don't know what future holds these days. But I see renewed strenght and vitality. I hope I can be strong enough, I hope I can understand enough and I hope I can adapt fast enough.
Why things change? I'm not complaining, I'm just asking.
It is not an easy thing for some to adapt. I do try to understand this. I know adaptation is difficult. I get myself unaware I'm resisting change sometimes. But we must adapt.
We're getting closer to completing two months here. Things still are far from good. Things are way better than they ever been, yet there is so much room for improvement.
I'm feeling another Eternal Worry right now. I don't know what future holds these days. But I see renewed strenght and vitality. I hope I can be strong enough, I hope I can understand enough and I hope I can adapt fast enough.
Why things change? I'm not complaining, I'm just asking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)