Anger builds quickly inside me. Why?
Have you ever tried tracing back the anger... trying to find the source, the motive that made you angry?
I found one tonight.
It happens when I do my best to give someone the best time of her life. And suddenly, I goof, near the end of the night. Then all the magic of the date goes away. Reality strikes hard, strong, powerfull, unforgiving.
I end up sad, because I don't like feeling goofy. I don't like to make mistakes. I don't like being out of control.
Then sadness is a feeling I refuse. I can't accept feeling sad about myself. I prefer to throw it off. Twist it into something that drives me into action, not passiveness. And I grow angry. Really angry.
It's a very solid short circuit inside me. Almost three years trying to understand myself, I thought I had it fixed. It isn't.
Maybe it's a side effect of having strong views about the world. I try so hard to follow the rules of my world that mistakes end up in the heaviest fines.
Go for your dreams, plan all to the end, but never lose the touch with your very humanity. You are not perfect. You are human. You can make mistakes. You can forgive yourself.