I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed


I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed


Goodbye


I wipe it off on a tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is turning blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I picture me


I can't control my shakes, how the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?


I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed


Get outta my head 'cause I don't need this
Why didn't I see this?
Well, I'm a victim Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just makin' my mind up
And takin' your breath away


I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed


I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed


Goodbye


You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
The flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free


You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
The flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free


I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell I wait and bleed


I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed


And it waits for you

When I was younger, I hoped so hard people understood me. So they could understand my motivations, my decisions and all those things you sometimes do looking for appreciation and approval.

Fact is, I don't worry that much about this anymore. Yeah, I don't really care if people understand me at all.

New decisions are coming. New plans are progressing. And yet, I see ahead people saying I'm wrong. Saying I'm moving the wrong way.

Some people I care so much that I take the effort to let them know my motives. Others, those I don't care at all, they will be wondering, they may not, yet I don't care.

Oh yes, there are some I care a lot, but I just cannot open up with them until the time is right. To those I apologize, and of those, I hope they will understand. They are the exception to this post. Because in a way I'm betraying their trust. And to betray someone for me, is a major sin.

So in the Log of Eternal Worries, this is something on my mind right now.